From the beginning....

I suppose I should start at the beginning:

*****February 20th: Suspected and confirmed pregnancy with a home pregnancy test. At this time I was still exclusively breast feeding Evan and so pregnancy was not even on my radar prior to this date. I was physically active doing hot yoga twice a week, still taking pre-natals, and eating healthy to support Evans hefty appetite.

*****March 27th: First prenatal appointment with our midwife. Heart rate was clearly audible with the doppler and was strong in the low 150's. BP was low, 90/50, which is rather normal for me compared to my first pregnancy. Weight Gain: 3lbs

*****April 14th: I noticed my milk supply was extremely low and that my uterine height was measuring 16ish weeks instead of the expected 12 weeks so I contacted the midwife and made an appointment. She confirmed the height was definitely high and recommended an ultrasound to rule out multiples and also confirm a better conception and due date. I had to give up breastfeeding and started to wean Evan to Goats milk and then cows milk. It was bittersweet but I truly believe it was my body's way of preparing for the new baby.

*****April 17th: Met with Dr. Grant at Women's Wellness Center for our ultrasound reading. Heartbeat was strong at 157 beats/min and baby P was measuring 15 weeks and 4 days...a full 3 weeks ahead of what we thought initially! And unlike the first pregnancy, we found out what we are having...its a BOY! Everything looked normal and on track for the baby's size however they raised some concerns about a possible heart defect as they could only see 3 chambers of the heart at the time. Immediately, I became very emotional. As parents you want the best for your child and certainly want them to above all be healthy and thrive! We were handed several chromosomal testing options and then sent home to let the baby grow a couple more weeks before they would diagnose or confirm anything as the baby was still pretty small at this point. This was tough because we had so many questions we wanted answered but simply had to wait patiently. We prayed a lot, I researched all I could about congenital heart defects, asked family about any history we weren't aware of, and waited for baby to grow. We prayed that whatever they saw or didn't see would resolve itself naturally or that perhaps they just weren't able to get a full look due to baby's size and position. We also continued to meet with the midwife, clinging onto the idea that a natural home birth was still a possibility once we completed the 20 weeks scan so long as I was not risked out. Weight gain 5 lbs.

*****May 16th: 20 week ultrasound was here. Heartbeat strong: 163 beats/min, measuring right on for 20 weeks still, physical anatomy right on, BUT.....deep breath......we can confirm there is indeed a heart defect. From what Dr Grant could tell from ultrasound, he suspected transposed great vessels (the main arteries to and from the heart are switched) and a ventricular septal defect (a hole between the walls of the heart). I held it together the best I could, but the wells were filling quickly. What does this mean? How serious is this? Home birth?? Please tell me this is still feasible...I can't even describe the amount of questions I had at that time but was too overwhelmed to even ask them. Remain composed, remain composed, this news is not from left field....

So hospital birth?, I asked.

"Yes." Okay, not ideal but I can still do this.

"Hospital birth, highly managed...probably an induction or C section, and it will have to be in St. Louis at a tertiary or higher facility. This is highly likely to not be an unmedicated, natural, intervention free, baby on your chest, breastfeeding right away, experience...but that's depending on the official diagnosis and also up to the experts to decide."

The flood gates officially open. Complete heartbreak.